Cockamamie Fairy Tales and
Fables
Cockamamie Fairy Tales and
Fables
Updated 2/18/00
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood
Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge dock florist. Disc ladle gull orphan worry ladle rat cluck end rat hut. End fur disc raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset, "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, tick disc burden barter ensure cuckoo keys inner basking tour groin murder hoe lift honor otter itch a therefore is. Shaker lake, dunce topple laundry wrote, Anna bubble yonder nor sorghum stenches topping torque wet strainers."
"Hoe cake, murder", Rat Rotten Hut setting tickle lay toolbox kitten stutter doff. Honor wrote tudor cordage offer groin murder Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.
"Wail, wail," setter wicket woof. "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut. Ware sore putty ladle gull goring wizard lay toolbox kit?"
"Armor goring tumor groin murder's" reprisal ladle gull. "Grammars seeking bet. Armor ticking herds burden barter ensure cuckoo keys."
"Tomb eels", totter woof any torque tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tour groin murder's, denial ketchup wetter letter."
Soda wicket woof tickle shirt court end whinney retched a cordage offer groin murder, picket inner winner end sore debtor pore worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh disc abdominal woof lipped honor betting eider rope. Zany pool Donna groin murders nut cup end gnat gun end curdled inner bet.
Inner ladle wall Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft hatter groin murder sand rankle dough ball.
"Comb ink, sweat hot" coal doubter woof, disgracing is verse.
Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rumen stud buyer groin murder sped.
"Ogre hammer!" crater ladle gull, "Wart bag icy gut, ah nerver sausage bag ice!"
"Buttered lucky chew whiff doling", whiskered disc ratchet woof, wetter wicket small.
"Grammar, water bag noisy gut, ah nerver sore suture Norma snows."
"Buttered smaller whiff" setter woof ants mouse worst waddling.
"Grammar, water bag mousy gut ..."
Daze worry ladle gull's lest warts. Oil offer sodden, throne offer carvers end sprinkling otter bet, disc curl end bloat Thursday woof ceased pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut end garbled erupt.
*******
Moral of the story: "Under no circumstances should little children stop and talk with strangers!"
(This version was obtained ca. 1974 from a server at Dartmouth College, the author is unknown. As the original manuscript has been lost, the story is retold here as best as we can recollect.)
Little Black Sambo
Sambo was your ordinary boy who lived with an ordinary family in an ordinary house in an ordinary town. Except he always wore black -- black shirt, black trousers, black cap. Even his baseball glove was fine black tanned leather. So when people saw him walking down the street they would say, "Here comes Little Black Sambo".
It was an ordinary day when Little Black Sambo headed out to the park to play. His mother admonished him as she usually did, "Be careful now, stay on the main streets where people can see you. Don't go off by yourself, there are weirdos and perverts out there who will molest and sodomize you. And never accept candy or a ride from strangers."
Sambo kissed his mother goodbye and headed off. Passing by the woods he saw the path that was a shortcut to the park. "Just this once more," he thought as he turned and went down the path.
Suddenly Little Black Sambo felt a prick beind his neck. He turned his head to see a tiger holding his collar with its paw and a claw was digging into his neck. The tiger's face seemed to say, "I'm king of the forest and I'm going to eat you up!" Little Black Sambo tore open the front of his shirt and ran, pulling his arms from the sleeves. He could feel his heart pounding and sweat running down his neck and shoulders.
Further on down the trail another tiger ran out in front of Little Black Sambo and he tumbled head first over its back. The tiger grabbed Sambo's belt from behind with its claws. Sambo got to his knees and crawled out of his pants. He pulled off a shoe and threw it at the tiger. Then he got up again and ran. And ran.
As Little Black Sambo burst from the woods into the park wearing only white boxer shorts with green polka dots, he wasn't recognized by anyone. "Help, help! The tigers are after me!", he yelled frantically. The tigers bounded after him, one jumped onto his shoulders and down they went with a thud..
The tigers crouched down with Little Black Sambo crumpled lifeless between them. You could almost see a smile on each tiger's face as he bent down, took a mouthful, chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and bent down for another bite.
Meanwhile the crowd was abuzz. "Better not get involved, you too could get eaten." "Those are endangered species, you know. You'll get arrested for disturbing them." "Tiger gall bladder sells for big money but possessing it is illegal." Transfixed, seemingly frozen, and silent, the people watched the tigers feast.
An hour later, the tigers slowly got up and slunk back into the woods. A small boy came running up, holding a black shirt. "Anyone seen Little Black Sambo?" he called out. Another child in the crowd looked towards the pile of bones and cried, "Th-the t-t-ti-ti-g-ger g-g-got h-h-him".
Flags were lowered to half mast as the townsfolk mourned Little Black Sambo's death. A work crew erected a fence to keep people out of the forest. Schools taught extra courses and lessons on personal safety.
Then as weeks passed people forgot about Little Black Sambo and went back to their ordinary ways. Kids cut holes in the fence to take shortcuts through the woods. And an ordinary normalcy returned to the ordinary town.
All parts (c) copyright 1999, 2000, Allan W. Jayne, Jr. unless otherwise noted or other origin stated.
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